


Come Back To Me

by thestarkbitchtumblr



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Alpha Olivia Benson, Canon Divergence, E/O, F/M, Olivia had a baby with Elliot, Time Hops, and the timing is somewhat off, and then gave it up for adoption in Oregan, and then her daughter comes back to meet her, badass Elliot Stabler, but just ignore the inconsistencies, dom! Elliot, not really canon, past and future, so she goes to Oregon sooner, sub! Olivia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-23
Updated: 2019-02-07
Packaged: 2019-08-06 12:52:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 20,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16388087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thestarkbitchtumblr/pseuds/thestarkbitchtumblr
Summary: The night before she started at the special victims unit, Olivia Benson had a one night stand with Elliot Stabler. After carrying on a passionate four year affair, Olivia leaves unexpectedly for Oregon where she gave birth to a young girl who she put up for adoption. Eighteen years later, Rosemary Elizabeth Croft comes back to meet her mother and father, unearthing a whole slew of emotions, relationships, and past secrets for Olivia.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is kind of canon compliant, but there are some major inconsistencies, such as Elliot and Olivia sleeping together. Olivia also leaves for Oregon around season 4 rather than in season 8. And of course, Olivia having Elliot's baby. I don't go into a lot of specifics of particular episodes, especially in the earlier chapters, so this is mostly my own story that doesn't necessarily go against canon at most points, but at some points it does directly contradict the canon. All the characters (except for those marked as original) belong to Dick Wolf. Thank you for reading!

_October 10th, 1999_

Olivia Margaret Benson was excited. She was moving up in her career, as she would be starting at the special victims unit the next morning. She was nervous, but she was more than ready for the financial and emotional pay raise from her days as a uniformed officer. Olivia didn’t normally go out the night before starting a new job, but she felt she should celebrate, so she dressed herself in a pair of tight fitted jeans that made her ass look like that of Aphro-fucking-dite and a black tank top that hugged and scooped in all the right places. She zipped her black thick heeled boots and did one final check in the mirror before heading out. She looked hot.

When Olivia got out of her apartment building, she realized that she didn’t know where she was going, so she just started walking. She got whistled at, complimented by trashy street men, and a small part of her that wasn’t disgusted felt confident. Sexy. In control. After walking about six blocks, she stumbled upon a bar called Missy’s. It seemed trashy enough that she could get a hot stranger to take her home and decent enough that it wouldn’t be in a body bag, so she opened the door and strutted in. It was a room filled with smoke and the smell of alcohol induced euphoria that would definitely lead to morning after regret.

It was perfect.

Olivia scanned the room before situating herself at the bar a couple of stools down from a huge hunk of pure man with the biceps of an Adonis who was nursing a beer and a sullen expression. The bartender came up to her, a middle aged woman with red hair and brown eyes, and took her order.

“Hey sweetheart, what’ll it be?” She asked, a heavy Staten Island accent overpowering her words.

“Rum and coke please. It’s my lucky drink, and I’m here to get lucky. And to celebrate a new job, but mostly the former.” She winked as she said it, hoping that it might catch the attention of the sulking beer-sipping Adonis two stools down.

“You got it, sweetheart.” The bartender then leaned in over the counter to whisper something in her ear. “If you’re really hoping to get lucky, I’d take a crack at that fella with the bad attitude and the beer right there. He’s not looking to go back to his own home tonight. Bartender’s intuition.” Olivia raised her eyebrow and nodded. She sat for a moment while the bartender went to fix her drink, fixating her eyes on her nails.

“So you got a new job, huh?” A grin began to crawl across Liv’s lips a the sound of the Adonis’s voice. It was deep and smooth, exactly what she would have imagined it sounded like. She turned to face him, flipping her hair as she did so.

“Yeah. Who’d have thought that all it took to get a promotion was a couple of years of painstaking silence and smiles in the face of asshole bosses and coworkers?” The Adonis gave a single laugh at her joke as he swiveled in his stool to face her.

“Well, congratulations . . . ?” He paused, waiting for her to introduce herself.

“Olivia.” She extended her hand to him as he shook it with a firm grip.

“Well congratulations, Olivia. The name’s Elliot.” The corners of his mouth tugged up in a semi-drunken grin as she smiled warmly at the sound of his name. Liv dropped his hand before moving over to sit in the stool directly next to him as the bartender brought her the rum and coke.

“So, Elliot,” She purred as she sipped her drink, savoring his name on her tongue. “I’m guessing that you don’t do this often.” He furrowed his brows at her as he readjusted his body position to be facing her.

“And what might it be that I’m not doing often?” His words were almost a challenge to her, pressing her for answers which she barely denied him.

“Going out to a bar and drinking your sorrows away.” She sipped her rum and coke as he raised his eyebrows at her. She reciprocated the gesture as if to say Am I wrong?

“And how do you figure that?” He counters, leaning in a bit closer, his blue eyes studying the smooth canvas of her face.

“Well, for starters, you’re drinking a beer. Men who drink away their sorrows don’t exactly go for something that light. So I know you don’t do this on the regular, ‘cause you’re just starting down this spiral. And I know that you’re trying to distract yourself from something with the magical powers of booze because no one who looks as good as you just sits by the bar alone, only socializing with their drink.” Olivia downs the rest of her beverage as Elliot leans back, his arms crossed over his chest, looking impressed.

“Well well well. Very good detective work there, Liv.” She felt a warmth rising in her gut as she relished the sound of him calling her by a nickname. “One problem.” She cocked her head to the side in a sort of flirtatious confusion.

“What’s the problem, El?” She asked, running her finger along the rim of her now empty glass. He leaned in, his elbows resting on his knees, his lips a mere few inches from hers.

“I’m not sitting at the bar alone. And you have more than just the socializing thing in common with my drink.” Olivia’s breath hitched as Elliot placed his left hand on her knee, stroking it lightly with his fingertips.

“And what might that be?” She tried to keep cool, but she knew that he could hear the catch in her voice when she responded.

“I wanna keep my mouth on you all night.” He uttered in a low growl, sex oozing from his every word. Liv smiled as she bit her bottom lip.

“Sounds good to me.” He brought his right hand up under her chin and closed the gap between them. When his lips closed in on hers, wild flashes of incredible sex were dancing before her closed eyes. The kiss started out innocent enough, but they both knew that it wouldn’t stay that way for long. As soon as the thought had entered her mind, his hand drifted from her chin to tangle in her hair as his tongue swiped across her lower lip. As his tongue began to hungrily dance with her own, her hands snaked up from his chest to his shoulders and his neck, clutching at his shirt. Liv pulled back to catch her breath and licked her lips seductively.

“Wanna take me back to my place?” She asked breathlessly. Elliot gently tugged on the fistful of her hair that he had in his right hand before responding.

“God yes.” He growled before kissing her with the same passion and ferocity as before. Olivia was barely able to pull away long enough slap a twenty down on the bar before she and Elliot were running out the door, giggling like a pair of teenagers. She only lived six blocks away, but in their semi drunken and deluded state of desperation to get some place more private, six blocks warranted a cab. Elliot waved one down before he half pushed and was half pulled down into the backseat. He began kissing her neck, tasting the sweat and perfume on the skin where he latched his mouth, sucking on her pulse point as she gasped out her address to the driver. Elliot handed the driver a bill without looking at him when he stopped before Olivia’s apartment building.

They practically fell out of the cab, their hands groping at each other’s bodies, their mouths locked tight. She’d had one night stands before, and she’s always been able to keep her cool, remain level headed and in control, but something about this guy made her want to relinquish control to him, to give him all of herself in her bed. They broke apart long enough to get into the building and up the stairs, but as soon as Liv started digging in her purse for her keys, Elliot decided to take a newer, slower route. It was as if he sensed that he was the one in charge as he pressed his body against her backside, allowing her to feel his raging hard-on against her round ass. Elliot then ran his fingertips lightly over the exposed skin of her arms, gently pressing small kisses along her shoulders up to the pulse point of her neck. Each of these kisses was quick, yet with the slightest bit of sucking and use of teeth, he made her gasp at every one. He smiled against her skin as she finally found her keys and jammed them into the door of her apartment. Olivia then turned around and grabbed a fistful of Elliot’s shirt before dragging him into the apartment, her lips locked on his.

She turned on the lights as she went to take off her shirt, but Elliot stopped her. She furrowed her brows as if to ask why he didn’t want her topless right there, right then.

“Let me,” He murmured as he stepped forward, gently placing his hands on her hips as he began to focus his attention on her lips again. He kissed her slowly and gently, sucking lightly on her lower lip, all the passion from before retained with much of the urgency released. When his calloused fingers hooked underneath the hem of her shirt, lightly touching her bare skin, she gasped. As he slowly lifted her shirt, he made sure to run his knuckles along the bare skin of the sides of her body, something that made the warm wetness between her thighs grow. She lifted up her arms when he finally took off her black tank top, and for a moment, she was unsure of what he’d do next. That was what was so amazing about this guy; his every move was a wonderful surprise.

After the shirt was off, Elliot looked into her big brown eyes with his own blueish greenish spheres that twinkled with the light of mischief and sex. He then bent down slightly and placed his hands on the backs of her thighs just under her ass. Liv took the hint and jumped up as he lifted her up, his strong arms supporting her as she wrapped her legs around his waist.

“Which way’s the bedroom?” He asked in between the kisses that he pressed upon her shoulder and neck.

“Right ahead of you, El. Just walk forward.” She was having trouble keeping her gasps to a minimum as Elliot walked her towards her bedroom. When they got to their destination, he slowly let her down. She sat on the edge of the bed and removed her shoes and jeans, and before she could get any further, she watched in awe as Elliot removed his long sleeved dark green shirt, revealing the beautifully toned torso and arms of god tier quality. He removed his belt and his jeans as Olivia slowly crawled back onto the bed, propping herself up on her elbows as she watched the beautiful man undress down to his boxers. He then knelt on the bed before situating himself over her, planting kisses from her lips to her jaw to her neck. He halted moving south when he reached her collarbone as his hands unclasped her front opening bra. He leaned back on his knees, admiring the near nakedness of the stunning woman lying before him.

“Jesus Christ, Liv. You really are something else.” He whispered the words with a flirtatious smile before leaning back down and taking one of her nipples in his mouth, using the slightest bit of teeth, so as not to hurt, but to arouse. Olivia made an audible gasp when he massaged her other breast with his free hand, which took her by surprise seeing as she was never a noise maker in the bedroom. She arched her back, trying to get some friction for the growing wetness between her thighs. Taking the hint, Elliot began to trail his kisses down her abdomen, leaving hickeys on and around her hips and upper thighs.

She was about to scream, his mouth was so close to her pussy, yet so far away. She squirmed beneath him, moaning and begging.

“Please, Elliot, please, please, please.” Elliot paused, his mouth just over her pussy, and he looked up at her and smiled mischievously.

“Please what?” He teased, his hot breath on her center absolute torture. She whined loudly before responding.

“Please just eat me out!” She practically screamed the plea as he smiled.

“Good girl.” He purred before going to town on her clit. He sucked on her clit while she grabbed fistfuls of his hair as if she were holding on for dear life. He flattened his tongue against her pussy, penetrated her with his tongue, always returning to the clit. Sensing that she was close, Elliot penetrated her with two fingers, instantly bringing her over the edge as she came.

As she was coming down from that glorious high, he sat back on his knees and held eye contact as he sucked his fingers clean. Olivia swore to god she had never seen anything so erotic.

“Do you have condoms?” He asked as she caught her breath. Olivia shook her head.

“No need, I’m on the pill.” She breathed, as she sat up and curled her fingers around the waistband of his boxers. “Come on. I’m gonna give you the ride of your life.” She whispered the words before gently biting his ear. Elliot’s eyes widened as she flipped their positions so that she was on top. She straddled him, positioning him at her entrance before slowly sinking down onto his cock. It was bigger than any that she’d had before, thicker too. He sat up, the two of them in a lotus position as she ground her hips against his. They moved with each other, each one reading the other’s bodily cues and responding as if they’d been fucking each other for years, not for the first time. Liv felt like she’d known this man much longer than the forty five minutes that she actually had. All rational thoughts were swept from her mind the moment that Elliot had put his hand on her knee in the bar, and at that moment when he thrust in that particular way, Liv could’ve sworn that all one night stands would be ruined for her after this. When she reached down and began to rub her clit, she came for the second time that night. After that, Elliot’s breathing started to get more sporadic, his thrusts more spastic, signaling Liv that he was close. She squeezed the muscles of her inner walls around his cock, which sent him over the edge, his warm seed filling her.

They sat there on her bed for a good minute, sweating and panting, holding each other before she swung her leg around to get off of him, his cock sliding out of her with a plop sound. She normally would send guys out of the apartment after the deed was done, but she wanted this Elliot guy to stay for a bit. She tossed him his boxers back, which he slid on as she wrapped a blue silk robe around her body.

“So, Elliot, can I get you anything to eat?” She asked, tying the robe around her naked body.

“I don’t know, let’s see what you have in the kitchen.” He replied with a grin. Liv led him out of her room and into the kitchen where she poured herself a glass of water. Elliot picked up an apple and began to chew while he watched Olivia looking through her fridge, deciding.

“Do you want a yogurt or something? You can take a look— oh. I didn’t see you got an apple.” She laughed a bit, as if she were nervous. She’d never really kept a one night stand around after the fact, and she wasn’t really sure what to do with him.

“So Olivia,” Elliot said after swallowing a bite of the apple. “What line of work you in?” She rested her elbows on the counter, holding her water with two hands as she stared into his eyes.

“Law enforcement. I’m a cop.” She replied as she began to circle her thumb around the rim of her glass, like she had done at the bar.

“Always nice to meet a fellow officer.” Elliot purred before taking another bite of his apple. Liv grinned as she took another sip of her water, the two of them never breaking eye contact. It was as if she were mesmerized by this man’s eyes, caught in some sort of hypnotically horny trance. Olivia cleared her throat before setting the water glass down on the counter to walk over to the side of the counter where Elliot stood. She hiked herself up onto the slab of granite next to the man. He turned to face her, swallowing the last of the apple.

“You uh,” He started, beginning to trace his finger around her thigh. “You up for round two, officer?” He flashed her a charming smirk as she uncrossed her legs.

“Say, Elliot, you happen to have your cuffs on you?” Mischief glinted in her brown eyes as she murmured the words. Elliot grinned as he slid his hand further up her thigh.

“Follow me.” He whispered with a wink. She hopped down off of the counter and followed him back into her bedroom. He stopped once they were in to dig in the pockets of his pants while Liv stood by the bed awkwardly.

“Get on the bed.” He almost whispered the command. It was firm yet gentle, as if he knew that she would trust him implicitly in this moment. She crawled onto the bed and leaned back, resting on her elbows to watch him as he pulled his cuffs out of the pocket of his jeans. He walked back towards her and crawled over her as she lifted her arms above her head, grabbing onto the wooden bars of the headboard. Elliot’s face softened as he looked down at the woman below him.

“Do you trust me?” He asked, his voice gentle as he paused, not daring to cuff her without permission. Liv nodded slowly as she gulped, a bit uncertain. She’d never done this before, but she trusted Elliot, for some unidentified reason. There was a nagging voice in the back of her head, telling her _Really? You’re about to start in the sex crimes unit tomorrow and you’re letting a random stranger handcuff to your bed? Slut._ Olivia shut that voice up as she felt the cold metal of his handcuffs lock around her wrists as she felt Elliot’s hot breath on her lips, all other thoughts too terribly irrelevant to dwell on.

“Close your eyes,” He breathed as his hand gently started to trace circles around her breasts, his right hand having slipped underneath her robe. Olivia obeyed, her eyelids fluttering shut. “And don’t open them until I say so.” Something about the commanding growl of his voice really turned her on, and she could feel herself growing wet again as she nodded.

Elliot carefully untied her silk robe, exposing her naked body to him. He smiled at his handiwork, marks of his affection all over her hips and thighs. Elliot slowly traced his hand down from her breast over her abdomen while he kept his lips focused on her jaw, neck, and ears. When his fingers started to glide along the smooth canvas of her inner thighs, her breath hitched, and her breathing became more and more labored as he leaned down to whisper in her ear.

“I bet you’ve never been with a man who can make you cum in under a minute using only his fingers, yeah?” Olivia let out an involuntary sigh as she shook her head. “Well, I got good news for you, Liv: You have now.” At that moment, he slid two fingers into her slick pussy, and it took a lot more self restraint than she would have liked to admit to not cum right then and there. Elliot placed his thumb on her clit as he crooked the two fingers inside of her, which just about did it for her. But she held out, if only to see if she could last longer than a minute. As his fingers explored her, her breathing became more and more labored, his every touch and movement threatening to do her in. Finally, with fourteen seconds on the clock, she came all over his hand, moaning his name as she did.

“Do you want me to fuck you?” He growled into her ear as she started to come down from her third earth shaking orgasm of the night.

“Dear God, please yes!” As soon as she whimpered the words, he pulled out his already stiff cock and rammed into her entrance. They moved as one, as a unit, as a team, as partners until with one final thrust, Elliot came inside her for the second time that night. He laid there on top of Olivia for a second before sliding out of her, pausing only to plant one last kiss on her lips before going to unlock her cuffs. She rubbed her wrists as she grinned at Elliot standing over his jeans to return the handcuffs to the pocket. He turned around and looked at her with a soft gaze and a smile.

“So what now?”

“Well, as much as I would like for you to stay and continue fucking me until I pass out, I do start my new job tomorrow morning, and I’d hate to be late. I hope you don’t mind me kicking you out.” She said as she wrapped the blue silk robe around her body once again. He shrugged and waved his hand.

“It’s no problem, I get it. I got work tomorrow too, so I should get going.” He dressed fairly quickly, and gathered his few belongings before Olivia walked him to the door.

“Well, for what it’s worth, that was some of the best sex of my life, so thank you for that. Be well.” She said the words with a grin and a nonchalant air about her, but deep down she knew that she was disappointed to have him leave.

“You too.” He spoke the words softly as he leaned in for one final kiss before disappearing down the stairs.

_October 11th, 1999_

“I don’t know, John, she was just so . . . “

“Uninhibited? Kinky? Sexy? New?” Detectives John Munch and Elliot Stabler were chatting in the break room over coffee about Elliot’s crazy one night stand after having been kicked out by Kathy after a blow up fight a few days prior. She had called him a few times that morning, but he hadn’t returned any of her messages. He should feel guilty about sleeping with that Olivia girl, but really, he would do it all over again in a heartbeat. He couldn’t think about how his kids might react, or how Kathy would be heartbroken, he could only think about what an amazing time he had for the first time in God knows how long.

“It just felt _relaxed_ for once. Like I didn’t have to force it, I didn’t have to compromise, I didn’t have to worry about anything for once. It just felt natural. I guess it’s a good thing I don’t know how to find her, because if I did. . . “ Elliot got caught in his own thoughts before Munch gave a single, loud laugh.

“Who’d have thought that Saint Elliot would ever cheat on his wife? I’ll be damned. But good for you, Stabler. Just don’t make a habit of it.” John winked before sipping his coffee and leaving the break room to get back to his desk.

“Stabler! My office.” Cragen shouted. Elliot quickly finished the rest of his coffee before walking into the captain’s office.

“What is it, cap?” He asked as he walked into the cluster-fuck of a room with files, pictures, and papers strewn about everywhere. There was a girl with short dark hair seated in front of the captain’s desk, her face hidden from Elliot.

“This is our new detective, Olivia Benson. I trust that you can show her the ropes.” Cragen barely looked up from a file that he was reviewing when the girl stood to turn and face her new partner. Elliot’s eyes widened as he looked upon the face of the girl who rocked his world last night.

“Olivia Benson. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” She had her hand outstretched to him, a perfectly calm expression while he could barely remember his own name. He finally reached out his own right hand and felt her firm grip as they shook hands, as if they were meeting for the first time.

“Elliot Stabler. The pleasure’s all mine.” This couldn’t be happening. He cheated on his wife for the first time ever and of course that one night stand was going to be his new partner at the place where he worked long hours almost every day of the week.

“Well, I’ll leave you two to get acquainted. And when you’re done with that, meet me back here for your first assignment. Welcome aboard, Detective Benson.” Cragen closed the file and made eye contact with the new detective on the last sentence before waving a hand, signaling them to leave his office.

Over the next few hours, Detective Benson didn’t show one sign that she recognized Elliot from their sexual escapade from the night before. He was beginning to think that she just might look eerily like the other Olivia and that it all might be one big coincidence until they were sent to go question the neighbors of a woman who had been raped in her apartment. She followed him to his car and as soon as they had reached the first red light, he snapped.

“Do you really not recognize me? I thought we had a great time, but you’re just acting like we’ve never met before! I mean, Jesus Liv!” He felt himself growing more and more frustrated, which was ridiculous due to the fact that he never expected to actually see her again, so it made no sense for him to angry that she wasn’t recognizing him.

“First of all, I do recognize you. I just don’t think it makes a great first impression on the new squad if I start freaking out when I see that my new partner is the guy who fucked me while I was handcuffed to my bed last night.” Elliot felt like an idiot as he continued to drive. “And second, I had a great time too, Elliot. But the hunk of metal on your left ring finger tells me that’s all it was. A great time. I don’t see why we should let a drunken hook up interfere with our professional relationship.” She remained level headed and calm throughout the little speech, never faltering, never slipping up. Elliot modded slowly, quietly laughing at himself for being so stupid.

“Yeah. Yeah, you’re right. Sorry. I I haven’t ever cheated on my wife, at least, not until last night, and I guess I just freaked out when I saw you.” Elliot tapped his fingers on the steering wheel as he parked in front of the apartment building 

“It’s fine, really.” She gave him a polite smile, the two looking into each other’s eyes for a moment before they both looked away. The two detectives got out of the car and walked up to the entrance of the building, a the discomfort of confrontation weighing down on both of them. Elliot paused before opening the door and Liv furrowed her brows at him.

“So, we’re good?” He asked uncertainly, looking to her large brown eyes for assurance.

“We’re partners now. We’ll just put this behind us, and go from here.” After she spoke, she stuck out her hand, as if it were an olive branch. He shook it firmly, the two in an understanding. From this point onward, it would be as if nothing had happened. And after a long time, they even began to believe that nothing had.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A confrontation and a discovery of the self.

_February 14, 2000_

It was dark out, but that was to be expected at midnight in New York. Olivia and Elliot were waiting in his car on a stake out. They’d been waiting for four hours for some action, anyone going in or out of the seedy motel where their CI was supposed to meet the son of a bitch who was pimping out these runaway girls. Elliot checked the time on the dashboard. 12:02am. He turned to Liv who had fallen asleep in the passenger seat.

“Hey, happy Valentine’s Day, Benson.” He chimed, gently nudging her arm. She jolted awake, looked around her for a second before her eyes settled on Elliot and she remembered where she was. He could see her body release its tenseness, her breathing regulating itself as she readjusted in her seat. “You and Cassidy got any plans?” He was teasing her about her one night stand with the hot head of the sixteenth precinct, Brian Cassidy. She rolled her eyes and smiled.

“Well, actually. . . ” She started, but Elliot cut her off with a wave of his hand and a disgusted look on his face.

“Oh dear God, Liv, please tell me that you’re not _actually_ going out with that ass clown.” The two of them started laughing as she started to defend herself through her giggles.

“Hey, he’s not _that_ bad!” Elliot began howling with laughter and started slapping the steering wheel, exaggerating his reaction to egg on her laughter.

“ _That’s_ your best defense? He’s not that bad? Jesus Liv, you can do so much better!” He was still shaking with laughter, as was she, her attempts to defend herself getting lost in the sound of their cackling.

“Oh, fuck you Stabler!” She laughed as she began to wipe the tears of laughter from her eyes. Elliot paused and she felt the playful atmosphere begin to suffocate, the phrase “fuck you” reminding them of the event of which they never spoke, of which they could not speak. The two of them fell silent, not wanting to address the events that went down the night they first met. She focused her attention back to the motel. That was the good thing about their work; they could always just ignore the obvious unspoken crimes that they had committed and blame it on the job. It was a safety net for when they didn’t want to admit what they had done, a plan B when confronted with their sins.

“Hey, twelve o’clock, looks like our guy.” Elliot said, disrupting their uncomfortable silence. Olivia straightened in her seat, her vision focused on the young man her partner had pointed out. He was a white male, late twenties, early thirties, a thick beard, blonde ponytail, dressed in a red hoodie and grey sweatpants.

“Where’s Leo?” She asked, her brows furrowing. Leo Watkins was the name of their CI, who the perp was supposed to be meeting. Elliot squinted his eyes and scanned the scene of the crime.

“He should be here.” He muttered, watching as the perp entered the motel. He came out a few seconds later, holding a young teenaged girl by the hair, shouting at her, with a gun to her head.

“Let’s move.” They ran out of the car, guns brandished, yelling the warning _STOP! NYPD DON’T MOVE!_ And thus they were Benson and Stabler once more, two detectives working a case. As Olivia comforted the girl, Elliot tackled the pimp to the ground, the adrenaline of the moment a welcome distraction from the sins of their past.

Later that morning, Elliot surprised Kathy with a bouquet of roses and breakfast in bed. He got the kids ready for school before he came into work. Olivia and Brian planned to out to dinner at a nice restaurant and then back to his place for a nightcap and mediocre sex. But in the middle of the day, they sat in the break room together, sipping coffee and eating Chinese food for lunch, talking about the latest case that they had been assigned to. As Elliot laughed at one of Olivia’s one liners, he pushed away the thoughts of how he felt at peace around her in a way that he never had with Kathy. As Olivia chuckled at Elliot for spilling soy sauce on his pants, she buried the thoughts of how she loved going undercover with him because he didn’t have to go home to his wife most of those nights. Those were the thoughts that they ignored, that they did not dare acknowledge.

“Has Melinda gotten back with the DNA yet?” Liv asked between bites of shrimp lo mein. Elliot shook his head, wiping his mouth with a napkin. They sat, eating in silence, waiting for a distraction from their thoughts.

“Stabler, Benson. We need you in interrogation one.” Cragen called into the break room. They stood and walked to the interrogation room, not saying a word until they were in the box with the suspect. The guy was accused of raping and killing his coworker of five years.

“So, James,” Elliot said, pulling up his chair. “If I understand correctly, you raped and murdered Lindsey Cane.” James Fulton raised his eyebrows, as if in surprise.

“Well, you waste no time, don’t you detective?” He said smugly, folding his hands as he leaned back. He was white, 28, a Cornell graduate, and too successful for his own good. He was the type of guy who wouldn’t take no for an answer, who’d be more than willing to dish out insults and punishments, but couldn’t take them for shit. Liv sat down with a small smile on her face, knowing exactly how this would go down. She and Elliot would play it good cop, bad cop, and they had learned in their short amount of time as partners that they played that game _very_ well.

“What my partner means to say, Mr. Fulton, is that there have been some accusations made against you. We just want to get your side of the story.” She said the words gently, softly, and she could see him relax a little bit. She was good at gaining the trust of victims as well as perps. “So why don’t we start with Wednesday night?” Fulton nodded, visibly more comfortable with Liv than he was with Elliot.

“Well, Lindsey and I went out for a beer. We’d just closed this big sale, so we wanted to celebrate.” Liv nodded as Elliot put a hand up to stop him.

“Where’d you go get this beer?” He asked, his eyes narrowed in suspicion.

“I dunno, some bar near our work.” As the perp muttered the words, he looked away, scratching the nape of his neck.

“Do you remember the name of the bar?” Olivia asked, her voice sweet as honey.

“I don’t think I ever got the name of it, so I can’t say that I do.” He was clearly lying. They were waiting to catch him in a lie, get him to admit that they went back to his place where he raped her before slicing her throat open in an alley across the street from his apartment building.

“Do you remember any details about the bar? Was it crowded? How close was it to your work?” Elliot pressed the suspect for answers that he knew he wouldn’t be able to provide, making Liv seem more understanding and likable just by comparison.

“I don’t know. I guess it was kind of crowded? I think it was close by, but we were walking for a little while there, so I don’t know.” James was clearly getting agitated. Liv almost felt bad for the guy, he was so unprepared. He seemed like the kind of guy who’d gotten away with everything else in his life, so getting caught didn’t even seem like an option to him.

“Okay. So tell me about your relationship with Mrs. Cane. Were you two friends?” Liv asked, gently coaxing a motive out of him. James smiled wistfully, as if he were reminiscing on something.

“We met five years ago. We both started at work at the same time as interns. We worked together, we stayed late together, we rose through the ranks together. So yeah, we were friends.” Elliot nodded at Fulton’s answer.

“You get along with Mickey Cane?” Elliot asked, hoping that the name of the vic’s husband would get a rise out of the perp. It seemed to work, as Fulton shifted in his seat as he glared at the detective.

“Sure.” Elliot furrowed his brows in mock confusion as he stood, beginning to circle around the table.

“Really? Because Mickey told us that you once showed up at his apartment and demanded to see his daughter. Why was that?” Elliot sat down on the table, right next to Fulton, leaning in close, as if in an attempt to smell the fear on him.

“His daughter my ass. Alice couldn’t be his kid, she’s smart.” He muttered. Olivia rose, crossing over to stand on the other side of the bastard.

“See, it’s funny that you say that, because we tested Alice’s DNA. And you’re right. Mickey isn’t the father. You are.” Olivia sat down on the table, her good cop façade having evaporated into thin air.

“And when we talked to Lindsey’s sister Ella, she said that the two of you had been fighting earlier. So it’s looking like the two of you had had an affair. You figured out that Alice was yours, so you demand that you get some parental rights.” Elliot started, setting up for the climax, the kill.

“And when she says no, things start to escalate. You want her to get a divorce. After all, she hasn’t slept with Mickey in months, and well, you two have been sleeping together for at least two and a half years.” Liv picked up on Elliot’s line of thought, the two of them working together like two halves of the same brain.

“So you try to reason with her. But things get out of hand, so she tries to leave. Tries to break things off.” Elliot gets down off of the table at that, leaning in over Fulton, his arms encroaching on his personal space.

“But you won’t take no for an answer. So you rape her. But before you can finish, she manages to get away. She runs outside, she’s gonna start screaming. So you did what you had to do. You grabbed a knife and you cut her throat open while she tries to take the shortcut through the alleyway home.” Liv cocked her head as she spoke, frowning at the perp. Fulton was sweating, grimacing, clearly agitated. Finally, he broke.

“Yeah! Maybe I did kill her, but JESUS, she cared more about her sham of a marriage than she did about me getting to see _my_ kid! Things get fucked up and complicated when you’re sleeping with your partner.” Both Olivia and Elliot flinched, looking down at the exact same time before recovering, their complexions steely and focused. But they had let their guard down for a second too long, allowing the perp to see their innermost secret. He began to sneer. “But I don’t need to tell you, do I?” Both Stabler and Benson froze. The perp laughed. Suddenly he had the upper hand. He’d confessed to the murder, but he had them under his thumb.

“You two’ll know exactly what I’m going through soon enough. You’re close, you’ve been in sync through this whole interrogation. One slip up, one drunken night without a glove, and you’ll know. You gotta wedding ring on. I wonder if that’s stopped you from screwing your partner.” At that last sentence, Elliot had had enough. He bunched up Fulton’s shirt in his fist and in an instant had him up against a wall, seething, breathing heavy, red in the face.

“How dare you?” He growled, the words sending a chill down Benson’s spine. It was the exact same growl he had used when they had slept together. Feral, animalistic, driven. Liv swallowed hard, frozen for a moment before regaining her senses. She rested her hand on Elliot’s shoulder, gently guiding him off of the perp.

“Elliot,” She said softly. The man scoffed at the two of them as Elliot grudgingly let go, shaking off his rage, his embarrassment.

“James Fulton, you are under arrest for the rape and murder of Lindsey Cane. You have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford one, one will be appointed to you.” Liv spoke the rights softly as she cuffed Fulton, slowly walking him out of the box. As she left with the perp, she passed by her captain, and found herself unable to look him in the eye.

Cragen walked into the box where Elliot was still cooling down.

“You wanna tell me what that was about?” He asked, hands in his pockets. Elliot just shook his head.

“I just couldn’t stand what he was saying about me and Liv.” Elliot muttered, leaning over the barred window. Cragen raised his eyebrows, and looked at the ground before returning his gaze to Elliot.

“Should I be aware of any truth that there was to his statement?” Elliot fell silent, shame and anger coursing through his veins. Cragen sighed. “You know that I can’t let you go on with this. It’s against regulation, and I don’t just mean in the legal sense.” He whispered, unable to speak loudly for fear of being heard.

“It was only one time. And it was before she started here.” Stabler murmured, unable to bring himself to look at his captain in his moment of shame. “I understand if you have to write me up, but please, don’t tell Kathy. If she finds out. . . I can’t lose my kids.” Cragen nodded, seeing Elliot’s vulnerability firsthand for the first time since he had started at SVU.

“Of course.” Cragen nodded as he left his detective to contemplate his sins as he stared at the city below.

_July 16, 2021_

Rosemary Elizabeth Croft loved her birthday. Apart from the obvious reasons of receiving gifts and being doted upon all day, this particular birthday was especially exciting, as it was her eighteenth birthday. When her alarm sounded at 9:00am, she had already been awake for a solid twenty minutes, but she hadn’t yet gotten out of her bed. She shut off the blaring sound from her phone and let her feet touch the soft carpet of her bedroom floor. Rosie stretched and yawned loudly, allowing for all of the tenseness that she had collected over the night to be released into the world. Light poured in from her large skylight window and she felt a smile creep across her face. Today was the day that she’d been waiting for for as long as she could remember. Today she would find out who she really was. She yawned as she headed over to her bathroom for her morning shower, going through the motions of her morning routine the same way that she had every day of her life in Portland, Oregon.

Rosie got herself dressed in a pair of black jeans and a floral tank top, checking herself out in the mirror before she left her room. She examined herself in a way that she had a million times before, yet it felt different. She was so close to closure, so close to finding out, that it felt as if she was approaching the end of an era, albeit an era of frustration, identity crises, and unanswered questions.

“Today I’ll know who gave me these hips.” She said as she traced her fingers along the sides of her body. “Today I’ll know who gave me these eyes.” She muttered, staring into her greenish blue irises. “Alright, Rosie. Let’s go find out who you really are.” She smiled at herself in the mirror before she opened her bedroom door and hurried down the stairs and into the kitchen.

“Happy birthday Rosie!” Her mother said with a grin as she took her only daughter into a warm embrace.

“Thanks Mom.” She said as she squeezed her tightly. Her mother, Diana Croft, was a thin woman of 49 with graying blonde hair. She had all the warmth of the sun within her, her patience seemingly everlasting and her love for her family unending. She was in her pink linen robe over her pajamas with a cup of sugar sweetened coffee held in her “World’s Best Mom” mug, which her daughter had hand painted when she was six.

“Happy birthday, Beanie!” Her father said, smiling from ear to ear as he approached her for a hug. She inhaled her father’s scent of coffee, deodorant, and pancakes as they embraced, relishing in the moment. Lucas Croft was 52, a successful orthodontist who ran his own practice. He was tall and lanky, exquisitely kind, and was an exceptionally talented cooker of pancakes.

“Thanks Dad.” She whispered before hurrying to get herself a cup of Folger’s coffee. As she poured the coffee into her mug, she narrowed her eyes at her parents, who were both grinning and exchanging looks.

“What are you two smiling about?” Her father put up his hands as he grinned from ear to ear as if to proclaim innocence.

“We’re not smiling about anything!” Diana claimed, but Rosie could always see through her mother’s thinly veiled lies.

“Yes you are, now why don’t you tell me what’s going on?” She demanded, smiling as she playfully scrutinized them. Her mother simply pointed behind her with a beaming face and Rosie turned around slowly, feigning suspicion as she did so.

“Jake!” She exclaimed, shocked as she threw her arms around her older brother, Jacob Croft, who she hadn’t seen in person in over a year.

“Happy birthday, Ro.” He spoke softly, smiling as he held his little sister. He lived all the way across the country in Westchester, New York, where he resided with his newlywed wife, Mara. Before she realized it, Rosie started to shed tears of joy. Her brother was her best friend, and being away from him for so long was excruciating. Growing up, their six year age gap would have probably kept most siblings from becoming close to one another, but they had always been as thick as thieves, from the moment their parents brought her home.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?” Rosie asked through her tears of joy, wiping away the tray teardrops as she laughed at her brother.

“I wanted to surprise you! Did it work?” He asked, grinning widely.

“Duh!” She practically shouted. The whole family laughed heartily in unison before Diana and Lucas got up from their seats at the counter to hug their son.

“Well, now that the family’s all together, it’s time for Rosie to unwrap her gifts!” Diana said gleefully, clapping her hands together as she hurried over to the living room where a small pile of hand wrapped presents were waiting on the coffee table. The family of four sat around and gave small commentary for each gift that was opened until only one gift remained. Rosemary eyed it cautiously, knowing exactly what was in the small cardboard box. All the questions she’d ever had about herself were about to be answered. Her mother stopped her as she reached for it, gently placing her hand on top of Rosie’s.

“I think we all know what this gift is. It _is_ your eighteenth birthday, after all. I just want you to know that it has been the honor of a lifetime to have been your mother. When Jake was born and they had to preform an emergency hysterectomy, I just remember being devastated that he wouldn’t be able to have a little brother or sister. And then after spending six years on the waiting list at that adoption agency, we finally got a call that changed our lives forever. Rosie, you have been the biggest blessing any of us could have ever asked for. No matter who your biological parents are, you’ll always be my baby. _Our_ baby.” Diana wiped a stray tear from her eye as her husband took her hand in his, smiling softly at his daughter. Rosie squeezed her mother’s free hand and smiled. She knew what it meant to her mom to have called the agency and asked for the name of her birth mother. Diana was always nervous that her daughter would one day abandon her for her birth mother, which was ridiculous, but Rosie knew that it was her biggest insecurity: Not being her biological mother.

“Don’t worry, Mom. I know. You’ll always be my real family. No matter what.” Her mother beamed at her before bringing her hand up to her mouth to plant a gentle kiss on her knuckles. Rosemary took a deep breath before picking up the small box.

“Here goes nothing.” She said with a small, forced laugh. With shaking hands, she removed the lid and looked at the small, clean cut index card that lay inside. She picked it up and blinked the tears out of her eyes as she read the name of her biological mother out loud.

“Olivia Benson, lives in Manhattan New York, works at the 16th Precinct in the Special Victims Unit.” Rosie turned the card around, half wondering, half hoping that she might find a father’s name there. “Elliot Stabler. Retired. It doesn’t give an address or occupation.” She hadn’t realized that she’d been holding her breath until she exhaled. She had expected for some great weight to be lifted from her shoulders upon reading the names of her biological parents, but instead, she only felt excitement.

“What now?” Jake asked, leaning in, his facial expression very clearly concerned. Rosemary slowly began to smile before she looked her brother in the eye.

“Everything.” She whispered before standing and running up two flights of stairs to her bedroom.

Rosemary threw herself onto her bed and hurriedly opened her laptop. She typed in her password, and seconds later, google popped up on her default browser.

_Olivia Benson, Manhattan Special Victims Unit_

Thousands upon thousands upon thousands of results came up. Rosie barely knew where to start, so she just started scrolling through the results. It must have been twenty minutes before she just closed her laptop, unable to click on any of the links. She sat there on her bed, dumbfounded at her inability to learn about her birth mother when she had been craving answers her entire life. Rosie jumped when she heard a knock at the door, startled until she turned around to see her brother standing in the open doorway. He walked over and leaned on her bed post.

“So,” He started, trying to be happy for her, yet she could see the fear in his face. “What have you found out about Olivia Benson and Elliot Stabler?” Rosie shook her head.

“Nothing. I googled Olivia Benson, Manhattan SVU, and I got all these results. But I couldn’t do it. It feels. . . _wrong_ to just stalk her like this. It’s not how I want to learn about her.” Rosie said, her quiet voice Jake nodded slowly in understanding.

“She lives in Manhattan?” He asked, clearly coming up with a plan for something in his head as Rosie flopped down on her back.

“That’s what the agency said.” She muttered, running her hands through her hair. Jake looked down at his little sister before speaking.

“You know, I am supposed to be headed back to New York in a couple of days. What would you think about going to meet her in person?” Rosie sat up abruptly, her eyes bearing into her brother’s.

“Are you serious?” She demanded, and he smiled, nodding his head.

“I really am, Ro. I know how important this is to you. You’ve been wondering your whole life about her, and I think it’ll be good to meet her face to face.” He smiled softly at Rosie before they embraced one another, holding on to everything they’d ever known, knowing very well that it was all about to change.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Olivia is threatened, Elliot and Olivia fall back into their old ways, and Rosie arrives in New York to meet her mother.

_April 15, 2001_

Olivia was scared out of her goddamn mind. She had gone undercover as a high school student’s therapist to get a closer look into her disappearance. In the mess of the case, she had promptly landed herself in the home of Molly Kimble’s English teacher, the prime suspect. She was hiding in his attic, back flat against the wall right next to the door as she prayed to every god and deity that Tom Barron hadn’t figured out that she knew he was guilty. Her plan was to knock him out as soon as he entered the room, grab the girl, and go. Molly was quivering in the middle of the room, gagged and bound, bruised and bleeding. It hurt Liv beyond belief to see her suffering without being able to do anything. But if she moved an inch, Tom would hear the creaking of the floor boards and know that she was in the attic and had found his student. Suddenly, Olivia heard the sound of Barron’s footsteps on the stairs, so she locked eyes with the vic.

“Don’t make a noise. Pretend I’m not here.” She whispered. Molly shook her head wildly and started erratically gesturing over to a corner of the room, fear and panic in her teary eyes. Liv cocked her gun and furrowed her brows, not understanding what she was trying to communicate. Then, the door opened.

On the other side of the room.

Tom Barron stopped, looking directly at Liv, who had unknowingly taken the hidden servants staircase up to the attic. He raised his gun and pointed it at Molly, shouting at Liv to drop her weapon. She gently placed her gun on the ground and put her hands up in the air.

 _Shit._ She thought to herself. Barron then hurried over to her and struck her hard across the face.

“GET ON YOUR KNEES, BITCH!” He demanded, anger, bloodlust, and madness clouding his better judgment. Olivia sank to her knees, tears wetting her eyes as she realized she was barreling towards becoming a victim of murder, rape, or both. Barron crouched down and tore open her black cotton shirt.

“Mr. Barron, please, you don’t have to do this.” She murmured, struggling to keep her voice steady.

“Shut up and do what I say, and then I might not kill you, _Detective Benson._ ” Olivia’s eyes widened, not understanding how he had figured her out. “Yeah, I know you’re a cop. Now Molly can watch us as a punishment for calling the authorities.” A tear rolled down her cheek as the deranged English teacher forced his mouth onto hers. Silent sobs began to wrack through her body as the man grabbed her breasts and licked her neck. It was as if her soul was leaving her body as he began to unbuckle his pants. Olivia wept as she realized that any god that was out there had abandoned her. So she prayed to the only man that she had ever worshipped: Elliot.

“NYPD, STOP!” Suddenly, the door from the main staircase was kicked down, and there was Elliot Stabler and a team of cops barging into the attic. Elliot grabbed Barron by the hair and yanked him off of his partner before cradling her in his arms. Everything seemed to fade around her, all the shouting and voices a blur as Elliot held her, whispering assurances.

“You’re safe now, Liv. I got you. You’re safe. You’re okay.” Elliot removed his windbreaker and wrapped it around his partner’s body before he scooped her into his arms and carried her out of the attic, down the stairs, and into his car.

Olivia had fallen asleep in the back seat of his car and woke up on her couch in her apartment. It was dark out, and the city wasn’t any louder than a low hum of car engines and distant sirens. Elliot was seated in an arm chair, watching her.

“Hey,” She said groggily, sitting up slowly. Elliot sat up straight, alert, a small smile forming on his face.

“Hey.” He replied, standing up before walking over to be by her side. “How you feeling?”

Olivia scoffed as she rubbed her jaw, feeling a bruise forming where Barron had struck her.

“Better. How did I avoid the whirlwind of medics?” She asked as Elliot sat on the coffee table in front of her.

“I knew you would hate those pesky little SOBs, so I snuck you out.” He said with a wink and a grin. Olivia smiled as she reached out her hand to squeeze that of her partner before retracting it back, afraid to have crossed a line that had been drawn on her first day at SVU.

“Thank you, El.” She adjusted the blanket around her shoulders to cover her torn shirt before she noticed that she was now wearing an oversized hockey jersey. She cocked her head and furrowed her brows as she studied the material of the jersey before looking back up at Elliot.

“Oh, that. I had it in my gym bag, and I figured you wouldn’t want to keep wearing the torn up tank top, so I changed you out of it and put you in that. I hope I didn’t cross any lines or anything. Sorry.” He mumbled the last bit as he fixed his blue eyes down to the floor beneath him. Olivia rested her hand on his.

“Hey, El.” She said softly. “Look at me.” He brought his eyes back up to meet her gaze, and Olivia was reminded of how mesmerizing his eyes were.

“I would’ve been raped if you hadn’t shown up right then and there. I owe you my life. You took care of me. You just…” She paused, unsure if she should continue, considering their history and his marital status. “You get me. Thank you.” Elliot smiled at her, a warmth emulating from deep within him. It was then that Olivia noticed that her hand was still rested on his.

“You’re my partner, Liv. I’ll always have your back.” Their eyes stayed locked on one another before Olivia looked away and let her hand slip out of his. She could sense Elliot’s disappointment, yet she knew it was the right thing. Despite what they had done in the past, two wrongs definitely didn’t make it right. She stood up and walked over to her kitchenette to make herself a cup of coffee. It was then that she noticed the time. It was two in the morning, making it April sixteenth. She turned around suddenly, looking directly at Elliot again.

“It’s two in the morning. It’s April sixteenth now.” Elliot nodded at her statement, his expression remaining neutral. “Yesterday was your anniversary. You spent your seventeenth wedding anniversary taking care of me.” Elliot furrowed his brows, as if he were considering the implications of his own actions. He then fiddled with his thumbs sheepishly, unable to maintain eye contact.

“I guess I just… I’d rather be taking care of you than going out to some fancy dinner with Kathy.” He mumbled as Olivia walked over to him and sat down in front of him and touched his face, gently guiding his gaze up to meet hers.

“You’re the most amazing man I’ve ever known, Elliot Stabler.” She whispered as the two stared into each other’s eyes, almost as if they were daring the other to make the first move, too afraid to do it themselves. Elliot then gingerly took Olivia’s head in his hands, his thumbs behind her ears as his fingers extended to the nape of her neck and leaned in, allowing their lips to crash together in an emotionally charged kiss.

The kiss said everything that they hadn’t dared to say aloud. That they needed each other, that they wanted one another, that they loved each other. As the kiss intensified, Elliot gently guided Olivia onto his lap, his hands grabbing her ass as he did so. She straddled him on the coffee table, knocking over several knick knacks that she would definitely later regret destroying. But in that moment, all that mattered was Elliot. Liv began to undo the buttons of his shirt as he tugged at the hem of her hockey jersey. She briefly abandoned her task to allow him to remove the jersey he had placed on her earlier along with her grey sports bra. His right hand moved from her ass to her left breast, kneading it softly with her nipple in between his thumb and forefinger. She was surprised that he had remembered how much she liked that, as it had been about a year and a half since their last hook up. She returned her attention to undoing the buttons on his shirt, which, with how shaky her hands were, was growing increasingly difficult.

“Fuck it.” She uttered under her breath before ripping open the shirt, buttons flying everywhere. Liv helped him shimmy out of his work shirt before removing his undershirt as well, leaving the two of them entirely topless. Elliot trailed his kisses down from her mouth to her jaw, pausing at the pulse point on her neck, noting how much she moaned when he did that for future reference. Elliot then gently eased her back onto the couch before standing up, her legs still straddling his waist. He walked her back towards her bedroom, thankful that the door was already ajar, before laying her down on the bed. Liv tried to sit up to remove her pants, but Elliot stopped her.

“I wanna do this myself.” He whispered in a low, sexy growl. Olivia nodded breathlessly as she laid back on her elbows, watching as he unbuttoned her pants and pulled down the zipper using only his teeth, all while never breaking eye contact. It was by far one of the most erotic things she had ever experienced. He used his hands to shimmy the jeans off of her and quickly removed her shoes before returning back to remove her white lace panties with his teeth. She silently thanked her past self for ignoring her laundry for a while, leaving her with only her sexy panties to wear, as it was working out amazingly in her favor.

As Elliot began to lick the insides of her thighs, Liv grasped at her bed sheets and bit down on her comforter to keep from crying out and waking the neighbors. He exhaled his hot breath onto her pussy before licking a stripe up the length of her sex, lightly biting her clit before sucking on it ferociously. Olivia could feel herself approaching climax, and when her partner jammed two fingers and curled them inside her, she allowed the wave of her orgasm to crash around her and sweep her away in the pure bliss of it. As soon as she had come, Elliot stood and quickly unbuckled his belt and dropped his pants along with his boxers. He then quickly positioned himself on top of Olivia, propping himself up on one of his elbows and one arm locked straight.

“Do you want me to fuck you?” He growled, speaking right into her ear before licking it with a flat tongue. Olivia nodded vigorously and breathlessly, clawing at his back in an attempt to pull him closer. Elliot then positioned himself at her entrance and rammed into her.

Now Liv was no saint. She’s had bedded plenty of men in her time and even a few women in college. Elliot and Kathy had been married at seventeen, barely out of high school, and his Catholic morals had kept him from straying from his marriage bed up until he’d met Liv, so where he learned how to fuck like _that_ was beyond her. As Elliot’s cock continued to slam in and out of her pussy, Olivia moaned into his mouth, their tongues moving in beat with their bodies, and she wondered if she would ever feel anything so right ever again.

Elliot fucked his partner with a passion that he had never given to his wife. Olivia was tighter, wetter, slicker, and warmer than Kathy had ever been, even before she had given birth. His sex with Kathy was more routine, less passionate, lacking any spontaneity or variety.

Any thoughts of Kathy vanished right out of his mind when Liv clenched her inner walls around his cock, intensifying the already mind blowing sex. His thrusts began to become more erratic and urgent, signaling that he was close.

“Let it happen, El. Don’t hold back.” She whimpered, clearly sensing his impending orgasm. With one final thrust, Elliot unloaded into her pussy, relishing in the sweet release of ejaculation. After a moment, he rolled off of his partner and began to catch his breath.

As the two detectives began to come down from their high, an ashamed uncertainty began to fill the room like smoke in a burning building. They lay there silently, each ashamed and embarrassed for having succumbed to their mutual lust. Finally, after two minutes of deafening silence, Olivia spoke up.

“Hey Elliot?” She asked, turning her head so as to look at her partner instead of the ceiling.

“Yeah?” He responded, also turning his head to face his partner.

“What do we do now?” She asked. She was nervous. She definitely did not want to be a home wrecker, nor did she have any interest in receiving disciplinary action from her higher ups for fraternizing with a fellow detective. Elliot then did something unexpected. He tucked himself underneath the covers and pulled Olivia into his body, making her his little spoon.

“My whole life, I feel like I’ve been trying to be someone I’m not. I got married right out of high school because Kathy was pregnant. I’ve tried to be the husband she wants me to be, but I just can’t live the slow suburban life that she loves so much. I used work to numb my frustration, but ever since you became my partner, I don’t get numb anymore. When I’m with you, everything just falls into place. I don’t have to pretend with you, Liv. Being with you is like pressing pause on the rest of the world. I want to keep being with you, Liv.” Elliot held his breath after he finished, unsure if his admission was at all appropriate. Then, Olivia turned around to face him.

“You can be with me, El. You can always be with me.” She smiled lazily before kissing him softly before the two fell into a deep, dreamless slumber in each other’s arms.

_July 23, 2021_

Rosie was nervous.

Ever since her brother offered to host her indefinitely in New York so she could meet her biological mother a week prior, she’d been packing and planning non stop. She brought the baby book that her parents kept for her, just in case Olivia was curious about her early years. She also hadn’t called ahead, so Captain Olivia Benson was in for a surprise. Rosie had discovered that she’d recently been promoted from Lieutenant to Captain in her research into her birth mother.

Jake looked over at his little sister who was tapping her fingers nervously on the arm chair of the plane. They were finishing up their descent, and would be landing at JFK within the next minute. He placed his hand on her arm, gently stopping the incessant nervous tapping.

“You’ll be fine, Rosie.” He said with a warm smile. Rosemary shook her head as the plane touched down onto the runway.

“What if she doesn’t want to speak to me? What if she hates me?” She rambled, nerves clouding her mind as the plane pulled up to the terminal. Jake chuckled as he got their luggage down from the overhead compartment.

“Ro, you’re overthinking this. If she doesn’t want to see you, then she doesn’t want to see you. You still have me, and Mom, and Dad. You’ll still have a family.” Rosie smiled gratefully at her brother’s kind words. The two siblings began to file out of the plane with their luggage amongst the other passengers and into the airport.

It was around noon when they pulled up in front of the sixteenth precinct of Manhattan in Mara and Jake’s SUV. The young woman had been silent for the entire drive from the airport where Mara had left the car for them. She looked up at the building and took a deep breath. Rosie unbuckled her seatbelt as Jake looked his little sister up and down with concern.

“Are you sure you don’t want to me to stay out front? In case anything goes wrong?” He asked as she consolidated her various items to her purse. Rosemary shook her head as she finished wrapping the cord to her earbuds and shoved them into her pocket.

“No, I’ll be fine. You go back home, and give Mara my love.” Before her brother could protest any further, Rosie had hopped out of the car and shut the door, waving goodbye with a smile. She took a deep breath before entering the building and looking on the guide to see which floor the Special Victim’s Unit operated on. As she stepped onto an elevator alone, she began to worry. _What if she hates me? What if she has a new family and doesn’t want me to ruin anything? What if she was married when I was born and that’s why she got rid of me? What if—_

But before she could finish the thought, the elevator doors dinged and opened, forcing her into the belly of the beast.

The place was hectic. Everywhere she looked, cops were taking statements, taking calls, taking men and women into holding cells. Finally she was able to catch the attention of a passing detective.

“Can I help you miss?” The man asked. He had a thick Staten Island accent, his salt and pepper hair slicked back. He was the only man in there who was wearing a suit.

“Yes, actually, is um, is Captain Olivia Benson in?” She asked, fiddling with her hands to distract from her overwhelming nervous anxiety. The man nodded and pointed to an office space behind him.

“Yeah, she’s in her office back there.” He said nonchalantly. It was as if he had no idea that the very essence of the earth was shattering around her. She nodded with a quick _thank you,_ her heart pounding in her chest. As she approached the office door, her feet began to feel like someone was stacking leaden weights into them with each step that she took. Her heart rate quickened and her breath came more and more labored. Finally, Rosemary Croft reaches the door and lifted her fist to knock.

“Come in!” Rang a woman’s voice from inside. Rosie took a deep breath as she opened the door and stepped inside. She closed it behind her and lo and behold, there she was; her biological mother. Olivia was reading something in a file. She wore glasses over her brown eyes. She appeared to be about fifty or so, putting her at around 32 for Rosie’s birth. They shared a well defined jawline, full, yet straight brown hair, high cheekbones, and thin brows. Olivia looked up at the young woman and smiled politely.

“Hi! I’m Captain Olivia Benson. Care to take a seat?” She said, gesturing to the chairs in front of her desk. Rosie simply stood there, speechless, unable to comprehend that after _eighteen years_ , she was finally meeting her birth mother. “Are you alright?” The older woman asked with knit brows. Rosie then realized that it had been several moments of her just standing and staring.

“What? Oh! Sorry, I’m sorry. I’m fine.” She said, her words jumbling into each other as she took a seat.

“Are you here to report a crime?” Olivia asked softly. Rosie laughed nervously and shook her head before looking to her estranged birth mother once again.

“No. This isn’t really a matter related to your profession, in all honesty.” She said. Olivia furrowed her brows and cocked her head. The young woman reached into her purse and pulled out her birth certificate, not showing the contents of the paper to the older woman straight away. “This is going to sound absolutely insane, but it’s the reason I’m here, so I’d better be out with it.” Rosie looked into Olivia’s eyes and took a deep breath before continuing.

“My name is Rosemary Elizabeth Croft and you are my biological mother.” She said the words quickly, yet was surprised by her lack of utter fear as soon as she’d gotten them out. Olivia Benson’s brown eyes widened and she swallowed as Rosie placed the birth certificate on the desk in front of her. The police captain examined the document as the young woman continued.

“Before you say anything, I just want you to know that I didn’t come in here with any expectations. I just wanted you to know that I was raised well. My parents are two wonderful people, Luke and Diana Croft. I have an older brother, Jacob, who’s their biological son. He lives in Westchester with his wife, Mara. I grew up in Portland, Oregon, where you gave birth to me. I’ll be going to school at Yale to study archaeology in the fall.” When Olivia didn’t respond, Rosie stood and turned to leave, embarrassed.

“Sorry. I shouldn’t have come here like this, you clearly didn’t want to meet me, and I should’ve guessed that. I’ll go, my brother’s probably still in the area, I’ll grab a ride back to his place with him—“

“Wait,” Olivia interrupted. The young woman stopped and turned around to see her mother standing behind her desk. She began to approach her long lost daughter slowly before she continued speaking. “When I gave you up for adoption, I never thought I’d see you again. I buried myself in my work for a long time to try to forget you, but I never did. Not a day went by when I didn’t wonder about you, or pray that you ended up alright. I told the adoption agency to give you my information when you turned eighteen, but never in a million years did I imagine that you would show up at my office unannounced, and let my know that you- that you made it.” At that moment, the two women both burst into tears as they threw their arms around one another in a warm embrace. They stayed that way, holding each other for several moments before parting, both of them wiping away tears as they did so.

“I’m sorry that I didn’t send word ahead of time.” Rosie said with a tearful laugh.

“Don’t you worry in the slightest. This has been the greatest surprise.” Olivia whispered, smiling as she placed a hand on her child’s face. Suddenly, the older woman’s phone began buzzing on her desk, as if pulling the both of them out of their trance. She held up a finger to Rosie, as if to say _This will just be a minute._ She looked at the contact that lit up the screen, and a look of concern spread across her face.

“Hold on, this is my nanny calling.” She said, picking up the phone. _Nanny._ That meant she had a child. A _real_ child. “Lucy? Hey, is everything okay?” As she talked with her babysitter about where in her apartment she had relocated the hiding spot for the iPad, Rosie looked around the office. There were a lot of pictures of a little boy with curly brown hair and bright eyes. He was fairly young, which brought some comfort to the young woman. It suggested that Olivia had only been ready for motherhood in recent years, that her being put up for adoption had nothing to do with her not being worth it. She was inspecting a particular photo of the young boy playing baseball when she noticed Olivia had gotten off of the phone and was looking at her.

“That’s my son, Noah. I adopted him when he was just a baby. He’s nine now.” The older woman looked at the picture with the love and fondness of a mother. She then looked back up to Rosemary and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

“Would you like to go out for lunch? We can spend the day talking and getting to know each other, if you’d like.” The captain asked as Rosie smiled and nodded.

“I would love that.” The younger woman responded. Olivia then opened the door for her daughter, the two of them stepping out of her office.

“Hey Sarge, can you hold down the fort? I’ll be taking the rest of the day off.” She said to a middle aged black man listening to someone on a handheld phone.

“Sure thing, Liv.” He replied, covering the speaker momentarily as they left the office.

Olivia ended up taking Rosie to a small American diner where they began to ask each other both of their seemingly endless list of questions.

“What was your first word?”

“Tooth.”

“When did you know that you wanted to work in SVU?”

“As soon as I’d learned that I had been a product of rape.”

As the rest of their day went by, they talked and talked and answered all the questions that had been building up over the past eighteen years. Rosie began to notice certain physical traits that the two of them shared, certain foods that they both enjoyed, even the fact that they both loved Edgar Allan Poe. As the sun began to set on their walk along the East River, the one question that she hadn’t yet dared to ask finally come out.

“Could you tell me about my father? Elliot Stabler?” Rosie asked the question quickly, spitting words out fast, afraid that if she didn’t, she would lose the confidence she had been building up throughout the day to ask it at all. To her relief, Olivia smiled when she heard his name. The older woman took a deep breath before sitting down on a bench to start telling the story.

“Elliot Stabler was my partner for twelve years. Partner as in fellow detective. He was a Catholic of Irish descent, he had been in the Navy before joining the force… Elliot and I understood each other. He loved me. I think the intimacy we shared was inevitable after working together for that long. Not just physical intimacy, but emotional and intellectual. I loved him. Unfortunately for me, so did his wife and their five children.” Rosie’s eyes widened in surprise, yet she didn’t cut her mother off, so she continued. “The first night we met, I was going out for a celebratory drink, as the next day, I would be starting at SVU as a new detective. I didn’t know it at the time, but Elliot and Kathy, his wife, had gotten into a blow up fight and she kicked him out. We barely got through one drink before we were back at my place. We said our goodbyes around midnight, and that was that, or so I thought. When we ran into each other the next morning at the precinct, our captain was introducing us as partners. We agreed to put that night behind us, which worked, for a while. In April of ’01, however, we slipped up after a particularly brutal case. From that point on, we would go to each other whenever we needed it. As things in Elliot and Kathy’s marriage got more and more strained, we began needing each other more and more often. I remember this one case in ’02 was taking up most of our days and nights, and I forgot to refill my birth control prescription for two or three months. When I found out that I was pregnant, I was surprised, but I was happy. Elliot and Kathy had been separated for a few months at that point, so I figured that he and I would raise you, together. But that very same day that I got two lines on a stick, Kathy told Elliot that she was going to petition for full custody of all four of their children. We both knew that with his record of anger management problems and the nature of his work, a family court judge would sign off on giving her full custody in a heartbeat. So, instead of telling Elliot that I was pregnant, I told our old captain, Don Cragen. I asked him to send me away on the most remote, discreet, deep undercover mission that he could. So he did. I stayed with a childhood friend in Portland throughout the pregnancy. I gave birth to you, and then I went back to work after a month. Elliot and I weren’t together for about a year after that. He and Kathy tried to patch things up, but they separated again in ’06. However, when she fell pregnant with Elliot Jr., he decided to stay with her a little longer. It was _hard_ seeing her with their baby. They’d gotten married straight out of high school because she was pregnant. They stayed together for their children. He and I loved each other, so how on earth was it fair for _her_ to be with him, to get to raise a child with him?” Olivia had tears in her eyes at that point, tears that were threatening to spill down onto her cheeks. She reached out and grabbed her daughter by the hand.

“Oh, Rosie. If I could go back in time, I would. I would have kept you, I would have raised you, with or without Elliot. You’re my flesh and blood, and I shouldn’t have ever let you go.” The two women embraced once more, tears pouring out from their eyes, sobs wracking through their bodies as they clung to one another. After a few moments, the two regained their composure, wiping away their tears and laughing.

“It’s a bit ironic how almost every day, I have to tell someone that she’s the other woman, that the man she’s with never loved her. But, forgive my use of this cliché, but I know that with the two of us it was different.” The older woman said before gazing into her daughter’s eyes.

“You have his eyes, you know. That very same bluish, greenish, grayish mix. I used to stare into those eyes of his for hours on end.” Olivia gently caressed her daughter’s cheek as Rosie leaned into her mother’s hand.

“Are they still together, Kathy and Elliot?” Rosemary asked, which earned her a chuckle from her mother.

“No. They finalized their divorce shortly after he retired from SVU. We still talk, occasionally.” Olivia murmured. Rosie nodded before standing up.

“Well, I should probably call my brother, have him pick me up.” She sighed. The older woman stood and nodded before breaking the façade of polite distance.

“Stay at my apartment tonight. You can meet Noah. It’s been eighteen years since I’ve seen you, Rosie. I don’t want to let you go again, at least not so soon.” The two women smiled as Rosie texted Jake to let him know that she would be staying at Olivia’s for the night.

As they walked back to the elder’s apartment building, a world away, Elliot Stabler was in his car, on his way to that same location to see his old partner, just for old times sake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! It’s been a while since I’ve updated, but hopefully this chapter is worth it. Thanks so much for reading and thank you especially if you left kudos or a nice comment!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Elliot and Olivia admit their true feelings for one another while out dancing, Olivia receives good news, which turns sour after Elliot is given an ultimatum.

_October 8, 2002_

It was almost as if they weren’t trying to hide it anymore. Elliot had practically moved into her apartment at that point, with the separation from Kathy nearing a month. They came into work together, they took their lunches at the same time, and they even left together in the same car. Everyone that had taken the time to notice pretended not to, if only out of politeness. Olivia even went with him to Dickie’s baseball games and to Elizabeth’s soccer games, made pleasantries with Kathy, which made her feel a little guilty, considering the fact that she didn’t have the slightest idea about their affair. Elliot kept a toothbrush at her place, and he’d even gotten himself an end table for his side of the bed.

On that particular day, Elliot and Olivia were leaving work slightly early. As they gathered their belongings, they started talking about dinner.

“I was thinking maybe that new Italian place where the antique shop used to be.” Olivia said as she put on her jacket. Elliot shook his head as he grabbed his bag.

“I was thinking something Slavic.” He said, grinning slightly. Olivia furrowed her brows, confused.

“Slavic?” She asked, her voice tinged with something akin to disgust. Elliot got up close, smirking as he did so.

“Yeah. You can have Irish.” He whispered with a wink. Olivia grinned as she picked up on his sentiment.

“Sounds good to me. I have a frozen pizza at my place.” After saying that, Fin interrupted.

“Sounds nice, can I join?” The two partners turned to see their coworker grinning with his arms crossed, leaning back in his chair. He chuckled as they struggled to find a proper excuse as to why he couldn’t come. “I’m just messing with you. Have fun.” He said as they turned to leave, blushing and slightly embarrassed. As soon as they had left the building, they burst into laughter. It had been a slow day, which was always a good thing in their line of work, leaving them light hearted and giddy.

“I didn’t think that Fin had any idea!” Elliot said, wrapping his arms around his partner as they continued to laugh.

“He’s Fin Tutuola, how could he _not_ know?” She replied, reveling in the sensation of Elliot smiling in between kisses pressed against her neck as she had her arms tossed casually around his neck. “Come on, let’s get going.” She said with a laugh. He pressed one last kiss against her lips before they got into his car. When he turned on the radio, Radio Gaga by Queen was playing. As they began the short drive back to Liv’s apartment, the two began to sing along to the lyrics, singing way too loud, annoying the shit out of other drivers, appearing to passersby on the street as two every day people happy and in love.

When they arrived on Olivia’s street, he drove past her building and kept going, which she didn’t notice at first, as she was far too into the song as it ended.

“You just missed my apartment!” She said, wiping tears of laughter from her eyes as he just smiled.

“We’re not going to your apartment.” He mused. “I have a surprise for you.” Olivia raised her brows as he kept driving, smiling to herself. They finally arrived at a small club on the lower east side, finding a spot right outside of the club, which would be impossible on any other given day.

“What is this?” She asked, grinning. Elliot shrugged as he got out of the car and hurried to open her door.

“It’s Queen night here, and I know you’ve been on a bit of a Freddie Mercury kick lately, so I thought this might be fun.” He said. Olivia pressed a kiss to his cheek as they entered the club, giggling like a pair of teenagers.

They spent the next few hours drinking and dancing, forgetting everything of the world outside of that dark, sweaty room where they felt like the only two people in the world. When the DJ had slowed it down a bit and started playing _Love of my Life_ , Elliot took his partner by the waist and pulled her close. As they swayed to the ballad, Elliot nestled his face against Olivia’s.

“Liv,” He whispered into her ear. She responded with a simple _Hm?_ before he continued. “I love you.” He said, swallowing his pride. Olivia pulled back, looking into his eyes.

“I’m gonna leave Kathy. I started talking to a divorce lawyer. I’m in love with you, Liv. And you don’t have to say it back. I just wanted you to know.” Olivia kissed him softly before breathing the words back onto his lips.

“I love you, too, El. I love you so much.” The two partners held each other, swaying softly as they reveled in the perfect sensation of being together.

“Let’s get out of here.” He murmured against her ear. She nodded as they weaved their way through the mass of sweaty bodies, out of the club, and to his car. When they made their way back to her apartment, both of them couldn’t stop smiling. With one hand on the steering wheel, Elliot kept the other on Liv’s thigh, absentmindedly drawing circles on the canvas of her pants with his thumb. He parked in her resident’s parking lot and thought about purchasing an overnight parking permit before they made their way up to her apartment. As she searched for her keys in her purse, Elliot ran his fingers up and down her bare arms, pressing soft kisses against her neck from behind. Olivia breathed out a laugh as she found her key.

“What’s so funny?” He asked as she slid the key into the lock.

“You did this exact same thing on our first night.” She replied, opening the door. Elliot smiled as he thought back to that first night. Back then, he had no idea that they would work together, that they would fall in love, that he would leave his wife of eighteen years for her. She closed the door behind them and took his face in his hands, kissing him with a hunger.

“Did I do this our first night?” He asked as he began to suck on the pulse point of her neck, hooking his calloused fingers under the hem of her shirt. She nodded, her breath hitching as he slid his rough hands across the smooth expanse of her skin. Olivia laughed to herself, knowing full well that he remembered that night just as well as she did. She gently placed a hand on his cheek and guided his face back up until his eyes landed on her own.

“I love you, Elliot Stabler.” She whispered as she kissed his lips gently.

“I love you, Olivia Benson.” He replied, smiling against her lips. He held her close as she wrapped her arms around his neck, giggling as he grazed his teeth against her jugular. Elliot quickly removed her shirt before she got to work undoing the buttons on his shirt. Once their shirts were both discarded on the floor, Liv took both of his hands in hers and led him to her bedroom. She removed her shoes and pants as he followed suit. Once they were both left in only their underclothes, they turned to each other.

“Sit down, stay a while.” She joked. Elliot laughed as he sat on the edge of her bed, taking her by the hands and guiding her onto his lap. He kissed her neck, her breasts before she took his face in her hands and kissed him. She slid her tongue across his top lip as he took her bottom lip between his teeth and ran his hands across her back, unhooking the clasps of her bra. She slipped it off as Elliot took her left nipple in his mouth cupping her left breast, massaging the other with his free hand. Olivia sighed as she peppered kisses on his forehead, running her fingertips across his scalp. After switching over to her right breast, Elliot flipped their positions so that she was beneath him, the two of them scooting further up on the bed. She shimmied out of her panties after he had yanked them off of her hips before she removed his boxers. Elliot paused before entering her.

“What’s wrong, what is it?” She asked breathlessly. Elliot shook his head, smiling down at her.

“Nothing’s wrong, Liv. I wanna hear you say my name.” He murmured as he kissed her gently. She nodded as she kissed him back.

“Elliot,” She whispered. He grinned at the sound of his name on her lips as he slipped it in. She moaned as he fucked her, slowly at first, then picking up speed as she continued to say his name over and over. As the two moved with each other, she shouted his name, not caring which of her neighbors heard. She came when he rubbed her clit, whispering his name over and over and over again. When he finished inside of her, he exhaled her name against her lips.

“I love you, Liv.” He whispered, stroking her face with his thumb. She grinned lazily at him, bringing his face down to hers so she could plant a kiss on his lips. He kissed her back before rolling off of her and tucking her into his body, the two of them promptly falling into a deep and dreamless slumber.

_December 7, 2002_

It was a lazy Sunday for Elliot and Olivia. Liv had come down with a stomach bug recently, so she would be headed to the pharmacist’s later. She woke up and reached out for her partner, instantly unsettled as she patted the empty space next to her that was usually occupied by her partner. She stood and grabbed the blue silk robe hanging on her headboard, tying it around her naked body before hurrying into her living room. She sighed a breath of relief when she saw Elliot standing in her kitchen, flipping pancakes in his boxers. He smiled when he saw her approaching him and placed his hand on the small of her back when she went to kiss him.

“You looked worried when you came in here. What’s wrong?” He asked, grinning as he abandoned the pancakes so her could hold her with both of his hands.

“You weren’t in bed when I woke up. I was worried that something had happened and I’d slept through it.” She said, realizing how silly she must’ve sounded as he pressed a kiss to her forehead.

“You worry too much, you know that?” He said with a laugh. She chuckled as she nodded in agreement.

“I do. But, it’s not without… with… Oh god, I’m gonna be sick.” Elliot furrowed his brows with concern as he watched his partner vomit into the kitchen sink. He rubbed her back as he bent over to look at her.

“Liv, are you okay? What’s going on?” He asked the questions quickly, his words blending together as concern flooded his voice. She stood and laughed as she wiped her mouth and grabbed an empty glass before filling it up and swishing some water around in her mouth.

“I’m fine, El. It’s just a bug.” She said before placing a soft kiss on his cheek.

“I should probably head to the pharmacist’s just in case, pick something up.” She said, patting his cheek. He nodded, still visibly concerned, but he had learned to pick his battles when it came to her wellbeing.

“I’ll see you in a bit.” She said, tossing the words over her shoulder as she headed back into the bedroom to get changed. Olivia slipped on a blue sweater and a pair of jeans, which she struggled to button before slipping on her boots and jacket and heading out to the pharmacy down the block. She stopped in a nearby bodega and picked up a snickers candy bar, thanking the man behind the counter with a smile and a nod before leaving. She entered the pharmacy and began down the aisle that had the cold and flu medicine. She grabbed a thing of anti-nausea tablets before heading to the counter in the front. She passed through the feminine hygiene section and thought to grab a box of tampons. Olivia paused as she looked at the boxes of pads and tampons, her hand hovering over one when she did some quick math in her head.

“Oh my god,” She muttered under her breath, realizing that she hadn’t refilled her monthly birth control prescription in at least two months, in which time she hadn’t gotten her period. Her eyes wandered to the section right next to the period products; the products for when your period didn’t come: the pregnancy tests. She grabbed one and walked up to the register, the whole interaction of payment done in a sort of trance as she started to think about the signs: the vomiting, the bloating, the missed period.

“Hey do you have a bathroom in here?” She asked the cashier. The young girl nodded and pointed towards the back of the pharmacy.

“Good luck.” The cashier replied, nodding towards the pregnancy test that the cop held in her hand. Olivia wasn’t sure if she meant that towards a positive or negative result, but she wasn’t exactly sure that it mattered.

The walk to the bathroom was impossibly long, but the two minute wait after peeing on the stick was unbearably longer. She had set a timer on her watch, nothing to distract her in the dingy bathroom as she paced back and forth. Finally, her watch buzzed slightly, signaling her that the time was up and it was time to check the test. Olivia took a deep breath and with shaking hands she picked up the stick and looked at the result.

Two bright pink lines.

The woman sat down on the closed toilet seat and stared at the test. After what must’ve been several minutes, there was a knocking at the door.

“You alright in there, ma’am? It’s been like, fifteen minutes.” The voice of the cashier from up front pulled Olivia back down to earth. The cop shook herself out of her daze and managed to reply.

“Yeah I’ll be right out.” She called out, staring at the test one more time. She slowly began to smile to herself, the initial shock turning into an unexpected joy.

She opened the door to the bathroom, her confused daze slowly turning into cloud nine. The cashier looked at her, concerned.

“You good, ma’am?” The young lady asked. Olivia looked to the woman who worked the register and her face broke into an ecstatic grin.

“I’m pregnant.” She breathed the words out with a laugh before hugging the cashier, who was a little taken aback.

“Well congrats, miss.” She replied with a giggle. Olivia picked up her cell phone and called the number of her gynecologist as she left the pharmacy, who was usually able to take walk in appointments during the day. She had an opening, so Olivia hailed a cab and gave the driver the address. She called Elliot from the back of the taxi. He picked up right away.

“Hey, El, I forgot that I’m going to the doctor’s today, but I’ll see you back in an hour or so.” She said, slightly breathless still.

“Alright. The pancakes are getting cold though.” He responded, and she could practically feel him smiling through the phone. She bit her bottom lip as she grinned, taking all the self restraint in the world not to tell him right then and there. “What is it?” He asked with a laugh. She smiled to herself as she paid the cabbie, having reached their destination.

“I’ll tell you later. I just got to the doctor’s office, I gotta fly, but I’ll talk to you soon. I love you.” She said, still grinning like a madman.

“I love you, too, Liv. Bye.” She hung up and hurried into the doctor’s office, giggling like a schoolgirl.

The appointment was all a weird blur. The doctor took a urine sample, a blood sample, asked her symptoms, the start date of her last period, and determined that if she did, indeed, conceive on October the eighth, she would only be a couple days shy of the nine week mark.

“Why don’t why fire up the ultrasound and check it out?” Dr. Sawyer suggested as they were waiting on the blood test results. The urine tested positive right away with the litmus paper test, which was a very positive indicator that Olivia was pregnant. Liv nodded as she followed her doctor into a smaller room, hopping up on the reclined seat. The ultrasound technician came in and instructed her to pull up her sweater before squirting a cold jelly on her abdomen. The woman turned on the screen and moved the monitor around on her belly. There was nothing for a few moments, until suddenly, there it was.

“Oh! We got a baby!” Olivia’s breath hitched as the ultrasound technician pointed to a small fluttering mass on the screen. “That right there is the heartbeat.” Suddenly overcome by emotion, the cop started crying, tears pouring out her eyes, her cheeks hurting from smiling so hard. The woman printed out a couple of pictures for her before she headed out.

After she left the doctor’s office, it was as if everything had turned into high definition. Colors seemed brighter, smells seemed sharper, every honk of a horn and blaring of a siren fell upon her ears like music. Olivia stopped by a toy store and picked up a little giraffe beanie baby. She wasn’t sure why, but it seemed cute. She had the gift wrapper put it in a cute little box with the pregnancy test and a copy of the ultrasound picture. She left the toy shop and hailed a taxi, tipping the driver 200% after he dropped her off at her building. He was speechless trying to thank her, but she just winked as she closed the door. She was humming to herself as she went up the stairs, barely able to contain her excitement. As soon as she opened the door to her apartment, she called out the name of her partner.

“Elliot! Elliot come here, I have something for you!” She called out, grinning hard. She furrowed her brows when she didn’t get an immediate response. “El?” She called again, this time a little bit unsure.

“I’m in here,” His breaking voice came from the bedroom, a sound that only happened when he cried. Olivia tossed her purse down onto the floor as she rushed to his side on the bed.

“Elliot, baby, what’s wrong?” She asked with concern. He had gotten dressed, a grey t-shirt and jeans. He looked up at her, tears in his eyes.

“I just got off the phone with Kathy.” He croaked. Olivia’s eyes widened.

“What? Is everything okay, are the kids alright?” She asked, fearing the worst. He nodded his head before rubbing his jaw.

“Yeah, everyone’s alright.” He paused before taking a deep breath and continuing. “She knows about us. Not about you specifically, but she knows that I’m with someone. And she called me up today to tell me that I can carry on living with you.” Liv furrowed her brows as she rubbed his back.

“Well, that’s great, isn’t it?” She asked, confused.

“As long as I don’t have an issue with her petitioning for full custody of our children.” He whispered. He sounded bitter.

“You can’t be serious.” She said, unable to accept the statement as fact.

“I wish to God that I wasn’t.” He shook his head before continuing. “She told me that I could either kiss my children goodbye, or I could _come home_ , and she would forget all about it.” He was starting to get angry. She could tell just based on the tempo of his speech. Olivia herself was starting to get flustered, suddenly realizing that she was staring down an uphill battle that she might very well lose to Kathy.

“I have some friends in family court, _you_ have friends in family court. We can talk to Alex, get you a good divorce lawyer, get this whole thing sorted out.” She offered, yet it was almost as if she knew that her attempts to solve the problem were futile, as if she were trying to fix a breaking dam with duct tape. He shook his head before taking her hands in his, looking her in the eyes.

“Liv, you and I both know that any family court judge is gonna take one look at my file, see my past with anger management and my long work hours and I’ll never see my kids again.” His tone had shifted from frustration to comfort, and tears filled Olivia’s eyes as she realized that he had already accepted the situation. She drew a shaky breath before wiping the tears from her cheeks.

“How long did she give you to decide?” She asked.

“A week.” He said the words softly, the implications of his answer unclear. Olivia nodded before wiping the tears from her eyes and standing.

“I think you’ve already made your decision.” She whispered. Elliot furrowed his brows and stood, gingerly taking her hands in his. She slipped them away from his grasp and shook her head. “Maybe it’s best if we just rip the bandaid. Delaying the inevitable isn’t going to help it any.” Olivia murmured. Elliot paused before wrapping his arms around her, the two partners holding onto one another the same way that one holds onto sand in running water.

“I love you, Liv. I love you so much. I love you.” Elliot whispered against her hair. Liv shook her head and started to move away, but he took her by the shoulders.

“Don’t, Elliot, please.” She managed, tears spilling out onto her cheeks as she shook her head, trying to get away. He held onto her arms firmly, not letting go.

“Hey, hey, hey, hey. Look at me. I love you. And I know that the world is fucked up and crazy, but in all this chaos, you are the only thing that makes sense. And I don’t care if it takes twenty years, I _will_ come back to you. I promise.” He whispered the words, his voice breaking as he began to tear up. Olivia just shook her head, her body shaking with sobs.

“I want to believe you, Elliot, I really, _really_ do, but I can’t wait that long. And the truth is, you are a father. You’re a father, more than you are a cop, more than you are a husband, more than you are a partner. You have to be there for your family, El. And no matter how hard we might try, Kathy will make sure that I don’t fit into that picture. So maybe it’s best that we don’t fight it.” She swallowed her pride as she spoke, barely able to spit the words out. When she saw the look on Elliot’s face, the expression of the defeated, she wanted to take it all back. A part of her wanted to scream at him, to beg him not to go home, to let Kathy snatch his old life away so that they could build a new one together. But Olivia Margaret Benson was no fool. Her situation was almost laughable. Elliot, for the second time in his life, had gotten his girlfriend pregnant out of wedlock. Only this time, he didn’t have nothing to lose. He had four children, a house in Queens, a pension, a job, all of which would be thrown into jeopardy if they decided to stay together.

Within the next twenty minutes, Elliot had gathered up his clothes and personal belongings from his partner’s apartment. Olivia had simply sat on the bed, unable to speak or move as her partner removed all traces of himself from her home. When he had gotten the last of his things, he paused, as if he were struggling to find the right words to say.

“I hate this, Liv. You know that I do.” He said in a last ditch effort to change her mind. When she didn’t respond, he sighed. “Walk me out?” He offered, sounding almost as if it were a sad attempt at a joke. She gave a single half hearted laugh, and stood, walking him to her front door. He paused at the threshold before turning to Olivia.

“For what it’s worth, these past few months that we’ve spent living together have been some of the best of my life, and I thank you for that.” He said, attempting an air of casual formality. Olivia shook her head before taking his face in her hands. Almost instantly, Elliot reciprocated, wrapping his arms around her waist, pulling her closer to him as their lips met. As they kissed, Liv realized that there were tears on her face, but she couldn’t distinguish to whom they belonged. He stepped forward, pressing her body against the doorframe.

“I don’t wanna leave you.” He whispered before kissing her again, harder with more desperation, more passion. Olivia pulled back and put a finger against his lips, keeping him from kissing her again. She shook her head.

“We can’t, Elliot.” She whispered. He nodded before pressing a single kiss to her forehead.

“Be well.” He whispered. She nodded with a sad smile as he pulled away.

“You too.” And just like that, it was over. Elliot Stabler walked away, down the stairs, out the door, to his car, and back to his home. Kathy greeted him at the door, smiling and relieved. He walked past her and hugged his daughters and his son. He slept on the couch. Back at her apartment, Olivia found the little gift box wrapped in white with a pink and blue ribbon. The tag on it said _For Elliot_. She tucked it away on the shelf in her closet, afterwards resting her hand over the slight swell of her belly, the other hand rested over her mouth as she cried, mourning what might have been.

_December 10, 2002_

It was Wednesday morning, and Olivia came into work alone. She dropped her bag down at her desk before getting to work. She took a working girl’s statement, who disclosed that her pimp was working for a New York congressman, who hosted illegal sex parties at his penthouse. Olivia reported back to Cragen, who told her and her partner to interview the congressman’s personal assistant.

“On it, cap.” She said. She grabbed her coat and her keys before turning to Elliot, frozen in his seat. “Come on, Stabler. Let’s head out.” He reluctantly grabbed his coat and followed her down to her car in the parking garage. She filled him in on the details of the case as they drove towards the congressman’s headquarters. At one point, he cut her off.

“Have the past few months meant anything to you?” He asked, clearly agitated. “Because I’m just trying to understand how I’m over here, destroyed because of everything we went through, and for you it’s like nothing ever happened!” Olivia clenched her teeth and shook her head.

“You still have a family to come home to. I don’t. I don’t have a someone to warm my bed as a backup for when things don’t work out with someone else. I don’t have any kids to raise. I have this job. And if I fuck this up, I won’t have anything. So forgive me for not being a sobbing wreck in our workplace, Stabler, because I don’t have a backup.” She snapped. She’d addressed him by his last name, knowing how impersonal it felt, knowing that it would sting.

“I’m sorry, Liv.” He whispered. She felt a little bad, she never wanted to make him hurt. Yet a sick, sadistic, twisted part of her wanted him to feel the agony that she felt.

“Call me Benson.” She said, hating that she enjoyed twisting the knife. As they parked and walked up to the front revolving door of the building, Elliot stopped her before reaching out his hand.

“Let’s be partners again. What do you say?” He asked. She could see the hurt in his sea colored eyes, and it killed her to know just how much it was killing him. She then shook his outstretched hand and smiled.

“We’re partners, always.” She said. “Now come on. Let’s go catch a bad guy.” They finished their work that day, as usual. When he left, he looked at her wistfully, bent over her desk, writing a report. When he’d left, Olivia stood and walked towards Captain Cragen’s office. She paused before knocking, already having second thoughts.

“Come on, Benson. Now or never.” She whispered to herself before taking a deep breath and knocking.

“Come on in,” Came the voice from inside. Olivia opened the door and shut it behind her, the panic already starting to set in. “Liv? What’s going on, are you alright?” Cragen asked, noticing his detective’s shallow breathing and shaky hands.

“No. That’s what I came in here to talk to you about.” She said. He gestured for her to take a seat. She sat down in front of his desk and took a deep breath before starting. “What I’m about to ask of you is not something that I ask for lightly. Even by mentioning it, I’m compromising the integrity that I hold in my position as a detective of the NYPD. And yet here I sit, begging for you to take pity on me and do something that would go far beyond breaking regulation.” She struggled to get the words out, unable to make eye contact. Cragen shook his head, confused.

“Hold on, back up a bit. Can you fill me in on what the hell is going on?” He asked, clearly confused and slightly agitated.

“On Sunday morning, I discovered that I am pregnant, and it’s Elliot’s. I am here to ask you to lie to 1PP and tell them that you’re sending me away to go deep UC in Oregon. I have an old friend who lives in Portland who has agreed to house me for the duration of the pregnancy. After the baby is born, they’ll be put up for adoption. I’ll take no longer than a month for recovery after the birth before I come back here and resume business as usual.” Olivia spoke the words with a neutral expression, eyes locked on that of her captain throughout the speech. He exhaled loudly, leaning back in his chair, eyes wide. He sat there for a while, processing the information.

“Have you considered… other options?” He asked finally, leaning forward and resting his clasped hands on the desk.

“Yes, captain, I considered getting an abortion. I actually got as far as going into the procedure room for my appointment yesterday.” She gave an almost laugh as she thought of it. “It was the heartbeat that got me. They have to perform an ultrasound to confirm the date of conception, and one of the nurses forgot to plug in her headphones when she played the heartbeat. I couldn’t stop listening. It was just this weird fluttering sound but it was just so mesmerizing. And then when they showed me the ultrasound, I just couldn’t do it. I apologized and got off the table before heading back home.” Cragen nodded and mulled over her request for a moment longer.

“Does Elliot know?” He asked. Olivia shook her head.

“No. I know that if I tell him, he’ll want to keep the baby, find some sort of way to make this all work out. However, when Kathy figured out that he’d been with someone else while they’ve been separated, she gave him an ultimatum: It was me or the kids. She told him that if he left for good, she’d petition for full custody of their children. When I first found out that I was pregnant, I was _so_ happy. For a little while there, I actually believed that we’d be able to run off into the sunset and have a kid. But the reality of it is that he’s already a father. A good one, at that. I can’t ask him to leave the four children that he already has to raise a fifth with me. I’ve thought about this from every angle, and I know that a quiet pregnancy and a quiet adoption in a place far away would be best. All I need is for you to help me out.” She pleaded. After a minute of silence, Don Cragen nodded his head.

“Okay. I’ll tell 1PP that you’re going undercover to investigate a trafficking ring that’s been transporting girls from New York and taking them across state lines to be sold in Oregon. I’ll notify them tomorrow.” Upon hearing the words affirming her request, Olivia breathed a sigh of relief. Tears welled up in her eyes as the two of them stood.

“Thank you, captain.” She whispered. Crgaen nodded as she turned to exit.

“Take care, Liv.” He said softly as she left his office.

The next morning, Cragen called One Police Plaza and informed them that one of his detectives, Olivia Benson, was being sent on an undercover assignment, and that she would be leaving for Oregon within the week. Nobody questioned it when he gave his reasoning, as he had spent the whole night working on having it sound legitimate.

“Detective Benson, you got a sec?” He said, leaning against the doorframe of his office. Olivia looked up from the work on her desk and nodded.

“Sure thing, cap.” She said as she stood. Elliot furrowed his brows, as if to say _What’s this about?_ She shrugged before heading into Cragen’s office.

“Close the door, detective.” He said. She gently shut the door before taking a seat. “I just got off the phone with 1PP. Your undercover mission has been confirmed. They gave me permission to oversee the assignment, so I will be expected to submit a biweekly report of your activities to the higher ups. I trust that you can take care of those.” He paused briefly. “You’re in the clear, Olivia.” She breathed a sigh of relief before standing up to shake his hand.

“Thank you, Captain.” She whispered. He nodded with a smile, as if to let her know that she wasn’t alone in this. “When do I leave?” She asked, smoothing down her shirt.

“Saturday. I got you a one way ticket to Portland, but it’s only coach, so don’t expect nothing fancy.” Olivia laughed as Cragen opened the door for her.

“What was that about?” Elliot asked, leaning back in his swivel chair, twiddling a pen between two fingers. Olivia sighed as she sat down at her desk across from him, maintaining an air of casualty.

“I just was informed that I have been given an undercover assignment.” She said, running a hand through her hair. Elliot nodded.

“What kind of assignment is it?” He asked. He didn’t seem all that interested, he probably figured that it wouldn’t be anything serious.

“I’m going to be investigating a sex trafficking ring that gets their girls from the streets,” She started.

“Huh, cool.” He said, absentmindedly responding as he looked over a report.

“... And then transports them across state lines to sell them in Oregon.” At the mention of a state on the other side of the country, Elliot looked up.

“What?” He was paying attention now. “So, what, are we gonna intercept their trucks or something before they leave the state?” He asked, clearly uneasy with the whole thing, hoping that it wasn’t going to be exactly what it was.

“ _We_ are doing no such thing. This is a solo mission, Elliot. I leave for Oregon on Saturday morning, and I assume I’ll receive a mission brief sometime between now and then.” She said. Her partner’s eyes widened.

“Damn. How long will you be there? A few weeks? Couple months?” He asked. He was leaned forward, his elbows resting on his desk. Olivia shook her head.

“They gave me a minimum of six months, but it’s probably gonna be more like eight or nine.” She was speaking casually at this point, trying hard not to make a big deal about any of it as she looked over a case file. She wanted things to be calm, she wanted things to be quiet. Making a fuss of her fake undercover mission in Oregon would definitely not be keeping things calm and quiet. Elliot’s face was screwed up, and he leaned in towards her.

“ _Six to nine months_ , Liv? That’s such a long time.” He was upset, concerned. Liv simply kept looking over the case file.

“Yeah, it is.” She muttered, circling a sentence to be sure to come back to it later.

“Well, can’t you fight it? Do they need you specifically?” He asked, floundering. She glanced up from the file for a brief second before returning her attention back to the report.

“I already accepted.” She said. Elliot’s eyes widened and he struggled for a second before finding words to say.

“Wha- What? Liv, why would you do that?” He demanded, as she flipped the pages in the file.

“Well, like you said, six to nine months is a long time, El. Maybe even long enough to fix a failing marriage.” When she said that, she looked up at her partner over the brim over her case file, raising her brows. Elliot’s eyes widened in realization before standing up and walking over to her desk.

“What are you saying?” He asked under his breath. His eyes searched hers, looking for some kind of an answer. Olivia sighed as she dropped the file down on her desk.

“I’m saying that you have an obligation to your family, and that my being around for long hours in close quarters on every work day might jeopardize that. The way I see it, this is for the best. Mixing work and play can get dicey, so me going away will be good. You’ll get to work with a new partner until I get back, and maybe you and Kathy can finally patch things up for good. I won’t be gone forever. And when I get back, all of this’ll have blown over, and everything can go back to normal.” She smiled at him, a sad, wistful smile. He took a deep breath before going to sit back down at his desk.

He kept stealing glances at her throughout the day, watching her as she worked. It was as if he was trying to burn the image of her into his mind. He loved looking at her when she wasn’t looking at him. He loved watching her face scrunch up in confusion while reading reports at work, he loved watching her fall off her seat laughing when they’d gone out and had too much to drink, and he loved watching her as she closed her eyes, coming undone from his handiwork in bed. But most of all, he loved watching her sleep. In her slumber, she had no secrets, no worries, no troubles at all. She was herself when she was asleep. On Saturday, he dropped her off at the airport and hugged her close to him before she boarded her flight. He watched the plane take off until it disappeared into the clouds. On Monday, when he came into work, he couldn’t bear to look on her empty desk, yet he couldn’t look away. A woman with blonde hair and blue eyes walked into the precinct around 9:00am and strode up to his desk. Elliot looked up from Olivia’s bare desk to watch her as she approached him.

“Hello detective. I’m Dani Beck. I’ll be your new partner while Detective Benson is away on her undercover mission in Oregon.” He nodded before reaching out to shake her hand.

“Nice to meet you, I’m Elliot Stabler.” He paused before smiling at her. “You can call me El.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I’m getting really into this fic, so I’ve been writing these chapters faster than normal. Hope you enjoy!! I’ll be updating sometime soon. Thank you for reading and thank you especially if you left kudos or a comment!


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